Teaching Ideas

How heartbreaking to see your little boy having a hard time settling at school.
Have you considered whether his reactions are food related? If you check out the Food Intolerance Network website (http://fedup.com.au/) you can read how food intolerances can cause a range of symptoms, including defiance, difficulty regulating emotions and tics amongst many others. Is it possible that with starting school, and taking a packed lunch each day, he is eating more packaged snacks or other foods he has not been exposed to before? Might be worth looking into.

Hi, as a pre-prep teacher, I have been teaching children of this age group for many years. Children at this age are becoming very independent and pushing the boundaries at home and school. They're trying to work out how far they can get before getting in trouble and usually balk at consequences for inappropriate actions. Hang in there, it's a matter of lots of patience, talking to them, working out what the triggers are and working with them to make better choices, both at home and school.

I have many parents coming to me to ask what they can do about their child's behaviour at home... and as I have lots of children to stimulate and educate daily, I have found a behaviour management system that works well.

In my class I find the 'sticker book reward system' works very well, both in class and at home. Many of my parents have taken this idea home and it has worked there as well. Each child has their own sticker book, a small book (an a4 exercise book cut in half will do)and each time a good choice is made (eg: listening, packing up when asked, helping a friend, participating etc), a sticker is provided to the child for their book.

When they fill a page with ten stickers, they get a stamp (happy face) to say well done, and they get a small prize. They also learn to count quite well using the sticker book, and usually can't wait to get their ten stickers to get a price (chosen from a small bag of prizes).

Perhaps when they fill the book (or every ten pages have a bigger prize page), they can get a major prize for their hard work. Some children even stick a picture of their goal prize at the end of the book to keep reminding them of what they are aiming for... you can have fun with it, and the kids love it, year after year :)

Another idea I've heard of ... and would like to share... is the 'jewel cup'. All children get a plastic cup, with their name on it, and when they have made a good choice, they get to choose a jewel from a special jewellery box (can be a little stone, sparkly thing, anything). They can choose from the special prize bag, paying with jewels from their cup (eg: a small dinosaur could cost three jewels, so it gives incentive to be good to keep getting jewels to get the better prizes later).

Anyway, some ideas... Good Luck!

Hi as a Mum to a child with an ASD I can relate to a lot of what your going through. I know for you the ASD is not the issue with your child but some of the things that can help would be the same.

Social stories work wonders, you need to find someone who can help with writing them. They need to be specific to the child. Add pictures of him and the teachers. If you needed to modify a behaviour like saying NO for instance you could write something like the following

My name is ______ and I go to (primary school name) add a picture of the child and the school.

When I am at school we get to do lots of fun things.

Sometimes we have to do school work that I don't like. I sometimes tell the teacher NO.

This makes my teacher sad when I tell her NO.
It also makes my Mum sad when I tell the teacher no.

If I don't do my work I will not learn and this will make everyone sad.

I do not want to make the teacher or mum sad, so I will try my best to do my work.

When I finish my work without saying NO, this makes Mrs_____ and mum VERY HAPPY.

This is a rough idea and it is a very quick social story. You need to add pictures of the child, and perhaps a pic of the teacher and yourself with a sad face in the section about being sad.

Then add pictures of the teacher and yourself with happy faces in the section at the end.

Social stories work so well with all kids not just ones on the spectrum. Hope this helps a little and remember you can make up all sorts of social stories. There are many pre made ones on the web you can download also just type for ex: saying No social story.....

Thanks for all the support...The latest for my son is that he has developed a tic, literally overnight. He experiences involuntary eye movements with his head also moving in the same direction.

The doctor says that I should not be worried. They are apparently not uncommon in children and usually disappear...They don't really know why they appear, but stress can bring them on and most definitely make them worse.

My son is not aware of them, but with all his social difficulties I am just heartbroken that he has something else that makes him stand out from the pack...

Does anyone else have experience with tics.....

It is completely heartbreaking as a parent. I found it extremely hard especially being a teacher and knowing all the things I would do if I had a student like my son in my class.

My suggestion is talk to your teacher about a consistent aproach you could both take. My son constantly played alone at lunch times because he was 'forbidden' from playing with his friends. I hope this is not the case for you. If so I would suggest discussing with the teacher a structured game they could play to limit the inappropriate behaviour.

To those of you who asked about my son. His hyperactivity is controlled a lot by diet, he is unable to eat a lot of fruit in particular tomato as he is crazy for weeks. His Dr. and I are also looking into medication to help him focus a lot more.

Good luck love, but it will make an amazing change with a teacher who is trying to help you all reach a happy and productive environment.

Hi
Your comment about the other mum's attititude. I see that all the time. It is really sad, because it is the Mums whose children are having difficulty settling in that really need a smile, hello, how about a cup of coffee.. and so on.

Just continue to be yourself, smile and have a chat, as if you don't have a worry in the world. Hard I know, but showing grace to others (even if they are unkind to us) will allow you to meet those lovely Mums who themselves are a bit shy and wary of the 'louder' ones.

Hi,

re: making friends; perhaps the teacher could suggest one of his peers that she feels he would get along well with and some play dates could be set up outside of school, in a setting where your son feels comfortable?

I also agree with the some of the suggestions made earlier about seeking advice and support through the networks offered at your school e.g. chaplain, councillor, parent group. I know the groups that have developed at our school have been very supportive!

good luck! xx

All your comments have meant so much to me...thank goodness for this medium of communication, especially as we could all be from different parts of the country...

But it also saddens me that we are not face to face sharing and connecting, modelling to our children what good supportive friendships look like and in particular acceptance of each other when we are not doing so well...that's what all our children need...acceptance from others and appreciation of difference, especially as they are growing and changing all the time...

Instead I experience school Mums that stop talking to me because our kids do not play together...I wish all of you well and especially all your precious children...

Thanks for all your sincere comments...it helps not feeling so alone. I heard what everyone has said and I believe a little bit of everything probably applies. But what has become apparent is that his major struggle is connecting with other children in the playground....

He is not a confident little boy and with children, especially older than him, he struggles to join in. He is excellent with children younger than him and also with kids a lot older that are good with younger kids...He is very comfortable taking the lead with younger kids and usually takes on a caring and protective role and one of teacher but with peers he is struggling.

Today the teacher told me that he is alone at lunch times. She told me that she has spent some time with him before he goes out to play and that seems to help him. But, as a Mum, my heart aches and I cried all the way home...How do I help him build his self-confidence??

He is such a sweet caring little boy and being also very sensitive, I am really concerned about how this struggle might manifest itself in the future if continues to find it hard to make friendships...

Hi! We've been living in Germany for 5 years; arrived when our son was 6 months old. Before I was a 'mom' and when I was enthusiastically teaching kindergarten, my own child at school was never a thought. Now I'm in the same situation as you are!

He starts school in September and this past year has been all about assessments etc because he refuses to conform to what's in the 'expected box'!

You have pretty much described my son's nature! Finding a school for an intelligent soul where the child has to conform to the set structure of the educational system is incredibly stressful!!

I have searched and researched all avenues and 'Maria Montessori' is the answer for my boy! Have a look at her concepts. I love them and have enrolled my son into a Montessori school! All the best to you!

If your son hasn't experienced a kindergarten or day care setting before, then I don't think his behaviour is anything too far out of the box. I would agree that it is probably just a settling issue at this stage, and that it will continue to improve over time as he becomes more familiar with routines, his peers and teachers.

Some strategies you might like to try could be developing a social story, in conjunction with the teacher, to read to him in the mornings and whenever necessary. It should target the desired behaviours (e.g.. following instructions straight away, using manners, the routines at school) and discuss the positive and negative consequences for this behaviour at school.

Another one would be a visual timetable that will help him to predict and prepare for what will happen next in his daily school routine.

Perhaps you might also talk to the teacher about the behaviour management system used at Prep (e.g.. 1,2,3 magic, the thinking chair, star chart) and incorporate a similar approach at home so that he is familiar with it's expectations and can follow it without too much confusion. The more consistency there is between home and school, the easier it will be for him to make sense of the 'rules and consequences' in his world.

Also, make a point of having lots of communication with the teacher in front of him, so that you are showing him that you are on the same page with your expectations of him and you are modelling your respect for her at the same time.

I've also found that speaking highly of the teacher and assistant at home helps to profile them as important people and worthy of respect and attention also.

Good luck! Be patient and have faith. The first term in a new classroom is always tricky! x

I would agree that your son is having difficulty becoming a member of a group.

Children act up for two reasons only - to get something or to avoid something. Sounds like he is seeking more attention, and is having difficulty being re-directed.

Those children who have difficulty becoming a member of a group - sharing, turn taking, divided attention etc need to divide the day into smaller chunks - and work towards some attentive reinforcement. Smiley stamp etc for each section of the day. A journey chart with his magnet being moved on towards a pleasant experience (class picnic eg) for good behaviours and back for negative behaviours works well too.

To Leigh: If you found out your son has ADHD at this early age - what was put in place to help with behaviour in the classroom (medication) or was cutting out particular foods enough? Could you please give more details?

Hi
I am with Leigh on this one. Your son now has to compete for the attention of one adult with 20 odd other children, all of whom want to be attended to immediately.

It can take some time for children to learn how to 'do' school. Routines, challenges and having to do something they may not like (hence the "no" response) are all part of learning how school works. For some children it is hard.

As Leigh has suggested, be proactive with the class teacher and school, and ask them how you can help to make life easier for him. He may have nothing more than settling difficulties, which will ease as the year progresses.

But, he may need a behavioural assessment or a language assessment to ascertain if there are any underlying issues that will impact on his learning and social skills. He may not understand what he is being asked to do and responds the only way he knows. Behaviour difficulties and language difficulties are known to be connected, especially with little boys.

I am a special needs teacher - and most (not all)of the very young children I work with that have behaviour difficulties also have expressive or receptive language delays.

Don't delay in getting some advice (school counsellor, local speech pathologist, educational psychologist)

Good luck.I hope you find the solution you are looking for.

Ok I completely get where you are coming from! My son never really had any problems at home! Prep was an eye opener for me, I was asked if he was ODD amongst many other things! It turns out that he is ADHD but the real problem comes down to - The difference between home and school!

My son always knew the routine at home, there was always just the 2 of us at home as well! So 2 years later I had a breakthrough, at home there are not 20 something other kids to distract him, no classes next door and really, at home, if he didn't do something then TV or toy was taken off straight away. At home we can give 100% attention but as a Teacher we can not do that!

Also it turns out my son had additional problems that made reading and writing harder!

As a teacher we need to know strategies that work at home but you also need to make sure he is very aware of school rules etc but I would also get him assessed!

Better to find out early and deal with it! My son is worlds better just by controlling certain foods!

Work with them to find strategies to help, not just label because even if you do get a diagnosis you will need to alter behaviours of everyone for a positive solution!

Good luck!